Banned for carpet burns to your bum, elbows and knees [and dangly bits] after performing your initiation test for Carpet Munchers Anonymous while rolling around naked on the shagpile and taking X-rated selfies for posterity.... not to mention proof of your exploits, though I wouldn't be showing the grandkids.

Banned for all kinds of innuendo targeting the less fortunate few capable of seeing the fur flying after washing it down with tankards of bubbly. 

Banned for getting on the slops and drinking copious amounts of bubbly from over-sized tankards while assuming innuendos were aimed at the less fortunate, when in fact they were aimed at over-weight bankers, politicians and big business execs who think their poo don't stink and the money is all theirs.

banned for aiming at those above the law

Banned for being such a poor shot and missing those above the law and well below it

Banned for introducing 'FAT' into this intellectual back and forth. 

Banned for going back and forth so fast that you beat greased lightning buttered on both sides to the finish line.

Banned 'cause that's how I get there before I get there. 

Banned with extreem tardiness for changeing your avatar.

Banned for tardy, lethargic and tortoise-like behaviour while dawdling along so slowly that even South-Siberian racing maggots wearing dirty great big army boots thought they were fast in comparison.

banned for booting up

Banned for going barefoot in the park while wearing skin-tight spandex shorts to jog in

Banned for wearing M.C. Hammer pants before they were a fashion fad, and for still wearing them.

Banned for thinking a string mankini is a fashion statement at the beach, when in fact it is waaaaay too revealing and makes you look like a goose [Aus for looking silly] for wearing it in public. 

I mean, who wants to see that much butt in one place?  

You do.   And this is why you're banned, because your obsession with the cheeks was so consuming that the posterior sort alone wouldn't suffice, and the viewing wouldn't suffice, no, you had to become a Mogul and create your own online empire of front-butt porn that wrecked my computer with some cheeky virus just last week.  I want my members' fee back sir!

banned for getting cheeky

Banned for simple bans.

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banned for bringing out the lines

Banned for not toeing the line and giving it a bit of a tickle.... rather, you were playing footsies under the table with Mrs Palmer, her four daughters and gay son, who sadly has put on too much weight and cannot join in the frivolities for fear of rolling down the driveway, into the street and damaging oncoming traffic.

Banned for being concerned about traffic, and for wearing jams.

Banned for falling off the wagon and into oncoming traffic consisting of a few old nags, some donkeys and ass or two.

Banned for hoof marks on your cheeky stuff.

Banned for bending over behind the donkey and enticing hoof marks on your derriere.

Banned  for mentioning his dairy hair on a PG rated forum.

Banned for confusing his hairy dare with his dairy pair... and stop chasing that milkmaid around the milking shed with your intentions all exposed like an over-exuberant flasher's nether region.