Banned because the Feds do what they're told, and the redneck mafia is the ones what tell 'em.

banned for bending the necks so far that they turn red

Banned for red tailed, duck billed, anorexic worms. 

banned for trying to worm away from your ban

Banned for going fishing with worms and coming back with slugs.

Oh well, crumbed slugs for dinner tonight.... they're not bad with a bit of BBQ sauce and an onion.

Banned for calling anchovies slugs.  Anchovies are the food of the gods.

Banned because pussy meat used to be the food of the gods, until the Pharaohs banned its use due to cat lovers protesting.  Now the gods take whatever we may offer them, including slugs, snails and chocolate covered locusts.

Banned for protein laced insects covered in chocolate and strawberry sauce with a touch of balsamic vinaigrette. That'll toast ya. 

Banned for thinking it's just a jump to the left when in fact it's two steps to the rear and one to the right if you want protein filled Witchety grubs in cranberry sauce, with cockroaches soused in maple syrup for dessert.

BTW: Witchety grubs are an Australian larvae, usually found in old logs and timber.

banned for blasphemy against maple syrup

Banned for going postal on blasphemy.

banned for not using enough postage to get the proper response 

Banned for postage stamps in situ.

banned for stamping out the fires with clown shoes

Banned for thinking stillettos are more effective fire-stompers than clown shoes.

Banned for neglecting the 'IT' role in clown stompers.

Banned for this Thing where you take The Stand of Shining on wit Stephen King references no one Carrie's about.

Banned for going to Pet Semetary to dig up Cujo and take him to Kingdom Hospital to see if he can be brought back to life.

Banned for necromancing in the sunshine.

banned for going doing the road 

Banned for chuteing up the ladder.

Banned for playing snakes and ladders while everybody else is playing Monopoly with real money.

banned for it is all monopoly money after the reality sets in

Banned for being a clueless late-comer who is lacking in ban etiquette and doesn't have the necessary funds to purchase The Lifelong Banners Compendium Of Superlative Forum Bans.

Banned because you didn't have a Clue that Ryat did it in the everything else room with the keyboard.