The Shelf Life of a Best Friend

good luck. prayers are heading in your direction.

Good luck and good for you for being so brave and sticking your neck out there. That was a bold move, and well done. I hope everything works out.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. They are much appreciated.

Dan

You sound so hyped. Best of luck with your endeavour.

My opinion is not what you want to hear so take it with a pinch of salt and do not be upset by it please. I am merely offering a point of view for consideration.

Best friends are for life, the friendship should be treasured and looked after. Risking the friendship with this desire for "more" is foolhardy. Should she decide against your suggestion, the friendship will never be the same and will probably become strained and uncomfortable and with time the friendship will gradually dissolve. Some might argue, good friendships will stand the test of time, that is debatable. I do surely hope for your sake that if her decision runs against you, the friendship will remain in tact and stand the test of time. Should her decision be for more of you, well then all happiness and strength to you both.

Good luck.

I hope it turns out for the best for you.  Good luck.

Dan, good luck.

Um, this is just my opinion so take it for the two cents its worth (and the buzz kill it is).  If its taken her this long to decide to date you, after knowing you as a best buddie, then it probably isn't going to go your way.

She may have used this time to think of a way to let you down gently and keep your friendship.  It's kinda like you're the D.A. and the jury is out.  The longer they're out, the less likely things will go your way.

I hope not.  I hope you find your heart's desire.

 

"Best friends are for life, the friendship should be treasured and looked after. Risking the friendship with this desire for "more" is foolhardy. Should she decide against your suggestion, the friendship will never be the same and will probably become strained and uncomfortable and with time the friendship will gradually dissolve. Some might argue, good friendships will stand the test of time, that is debatable. I do surely hope for your sake that if her decision runs against you, the friendship will remain in tact and stand the test of time. Should her decision be for more of you, well then all happiness and strength to you both."

I hear you. I decided to do this because I consider the friendship doomed, and I don't want to watch my most valuable relationship slowly die. I consider it doomed because 1) I live in Florida and she lives in Michigan and 2) She's pretty incredible, and I'm not the only person who can see it. When she gets married, there won't be any more room for a male best friend. I don't think our relationship would ever become that strained--she and I are sensitive to drama, but don't let it factor heavily into our relationships--and the worst case scenario would be that we meet in fifteen years and we're just friendly faces at a class reunion. Of course, that sounds pretty bad. But at this distance, ultimatums are the order of the day.

"Um, this is just my opinion so take it for the two cents its worth (and the buzz kill it is). If its taken her this long to decide to date you, after knowing you as a best buddie, then it probably isn't going to go your way."

I haven't discounted this as a possibility, but I expected her to take some time. I estimated six days: two just to get over the shock (the price of drama inexperience), two to consider (she'll know within the first couple hours, but she'll pray and deliberate and discuss to death, because hey, that's what we do), and two days to prepare a letter to read which she'll wish was better edited because she didn't have enough time. I'm guessing the extra time was because I caught her at the end of semester and she had a two-day trip to Chicago. I have some experience with her response to high-drama situations, and taking time hasn't signaled dis avorably in the fact. And besides... she has a boyfriend. So... that could be a somewhat complicating factor, as well. Whichever choice she makes will be a big one.

Thanks Dr. Guy. Good to hear some encouragement.

Dan

Well it certainly sounds like you know her well. I didn't realize you were not in the same town, so that changes things a lot.

Good luck Dan...I really do hope it works for ya.

yikes dan, hopes and prayers to you.

"Good luck Dan...I really do hope it works for ya."
"yikes dan, hopes and prayers to you."

Thanks guys. Just a few more hours.

Dan

It's over. At least for now, it's over.

Dan

Sorry Dan. I know it hurts, and sucks and all, but I'm still proud that you took such a risk.

My thoughts and prayers have been with you--I just got a chance to read your article, though "after the fact". I couldn't help but think of these lyrics.

Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
that leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying

that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winterfar beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose


So far, I believe it to be a trustworthy saying, "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved before". We both know this story is not over, you are just beginning a new chapter. Fortunately you can trust that everything will work out for good, --
whatever that means.
JOA

I am sorry Dan.

I'm just seeing this article and I'm sorry Dan that it went that way for you. The very same thing happened to my relationship with my best friend more than 20 years ago. I was the one to end it as well when he gave me the same ultimatum you gave your friend. It's never an easy decision to make but it was one that happened. While I didn't break the friendship, it just fell apart after I said no. It was one of the saddest moments in my life because this was the guy who was my best best friend. My advice to anyone who would do this again, don't do it!

For the record, even knowing the result, I still would have done it. Relationships have to move forward; you can't keep them stagnant for fear of the future.

I'm allowed to say irritating things like that during my 24-hour grieving period.

Dan

So what's your excuse the rest of the time?

Seriously though, Dan, I'm really sorry this didn't work out the way you wanted. But I'm glad that despite that, you'd still do it again -- there is something to be admired about those people who are willing to take risks (says the relationship yellowbelly!)

"So what's your excuse the rest of the time?"

Jerk

Dan

only cause I love ya. glad to see you sense of humor is still intact.

Sorry Dan.

You know that song by Garth Brooks..."Unanswered prayers?"

Maybe this is yours.

"only cause I love ya. glad to see you sense of humor is still intact."

I'm doing all right. I may just be in shock, but right now, I'm doing okay. No regrets, you know?

"Maybe this is yours."

The way I figure it, she's already been my answer to prayer hundreds of times. I don't feel betrayed by getting a "no" after so many "yes"'s.

Dan

The way I figure it, she's already been my answer to prayer hundreds of times. I don't feel betrayed by getting a "no" after so many "yes"'s.

With such an attitude of focusing on what you have, not on what you don't have, you will go far my son.

I continue to pray.

Dad