0.40 Colony event text issues.

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I am starting this thread to contain reports of spelling, grammer, and other text issues.

 

Colony event "Worms":

Description: "The location of our colony on this planet is apparently the prime hunting grounds for a species of massive, building sized worms. This is by far the most fertile land on the planet, so we don't want to move if we don't have to. But on the other hand, massive building sized worms. What are your orders?

Problem: It looks like the third sentence needs something, perhaps as simple as a question mark or exclamation mark instead of a period. Otherwise, it looks too much like an incomplete sentence.

 

Colony event "LeftoverRobots":

Description: "This planet was once the home of a fairly advanced alien species that created some extremely long lasting sub-sentient AI systems. Something you've done has triggered these systems defensive protocols, and now anyone who ventures outside of the colony is at risk of attack from primitive robotic creatures. What are your orders?"

Problem: In the second sentence it looks like "defensive protocols" should be a possession of "systems", If so, it should be "systems'" Or is there a restriction in the HTML protocal?

 

Colony event "SwarmLikeFish":

Description: "On this planet there is a specific species of fish which seems to possess a form of collective intelligence. The fish seem to become more intelligent the larger the group they're in, and in the largest schools can clearly communicate with us, and even seem to understand advanced concepts like space travel and where we're from. The fish also have several concerns about the way our colony is being built. What are your orders?"

Problem: In the second third of the second sentence "... and in the largest schools can ..." -- it seems to me that a collective intelligence would communicate as a group instead of as individuals within a group, so I suggest this should read "... and the largest schools can ...".

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Reply #1 from GalCiv3 Forums Top


Problem: It looks like the third sentence needs something, perhaps as simple as a question mark or exclamation mark instead of a period. Otherwise, it looks too much like an incomplete sentence.
End of quote

It is a fragment, but that's okay. It is supposed to be conversational. Question mark is definitely not the answer, as it changes the meaning and tone of the line. The only change that might add to this would be to bold massive building sized worms for emphasis. Also, I think "building-sized" should be hyphenated.


Problem: In the second third of the second sentence "... and in the largest schools can ..." -- it seems to me that a collective intelligence would communicate as a group instead of as individuals within a group, so I suggest this should read "... and the largest schools can ...".
End of quote

The subject of this sentence is "the fish." Taken alone the clause would read: "In the largest schools, the fish can clearly communicate with us." I think this conveys their meaning well. The only change I might make is to say, "and in the largest schools can communicate with us clearly," as I assume the meaning is that the communication is clear, and not that it is apparent that the fish can communicate with us.

Reply #2 from GalCiv3 Forums Top

double post.

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Reply #3 from GalCiv3 Forums Top

Quoting perigrine23, reply 2

The only change that might add to this would be to bold massive building sized worms for emphasis.
End of perigrine23's quote

Yes, the emphasis is what I was trying to get at. As is, the emphasis is missing.

Quoting perigrine23, reply 1

The subject of this sentence is "the fish." Taken alone the clause would read: "In the largest schools, the fish can clearly communicate with us." I think this conveys their meaning well. The only change I might make is to say, "and in the largest schools can communicate with us clearly," as I assume the meaning is that the communication is clear, and not that it is apparent that the fish can communicate with us.
End of perigrine23's quote

I think you missed my point, The implication of collective intelligence is that it takes the whole group to become intelligent enough to communicate with us, so they can only do so as a group, It makes no sense that individual fish could communicate with us, even as individuals in a large school.