Banned for jealousy is a curse....

......and feeding your guests cat food is worse.

banned for not realizing that i only use high level cat food

Banned for depriving hungry felines by feeding it to your guests.

banned for giving me salmon eggs and calling it caviar 

Banned for a caviar appetite on a catfish spawn budget.

banned for trying to catfish me

Banned for being all catfish-like and choosing to be a bottom feeder.

banned for seeing things from the bottom up

Banned for thinking I'm not interested in legs.

banned for putting your legs up for sale then pulling them off the shelf when interest is shown

Banned for it's not about my old legs, rather it's about nice young ladies with nice long legs that go all the way up to there........

banned for poor english speechith 

Banned for using a bastardised version of the English language and ridiculing an actual Englishman who is a walking dictionary of poor English.  I will have you know that English was my best subject at school and even Jafo doesn't have a patch on me when it comes to its correct usage.

Also, it's zed, not zee.... and honour, valour and demeanour all have U's in the correct spelling.  Like I said, the Yanks bastardised the English language as part of a push to become independent of Britain

banned for thinking english is every truly correct in one form or another as it is a basterdization of several other languages put together by  lazy normans and saxons

Ironically I prefer the 'u' in certain words. Like armour looks cooler than armor.

Banned for thinking lazy foreigners bastardised the English language.... yeah the origins may have come from various places but it was the scholars at Oxford and Cambridge universities who collated and purified the English language as we now know it.

Truth is, the English language has been bastardised by the use of various dialects within the UK, so Americans are not the only ones the make alterations over the years.

I grew up with it being that way and I naturally use the language as I was taught.  Occasionally I will use some Americanisms where they fit.... and sometimes I will use program rather than the English spelling of programme.

banned for listening to some old stooges trying to solidify an ephemeral thing like language

English language is pretty bad about dialects. Even in the US it can get pretty crazy about what words mean and how they are spelled. Spanish is worse though.  

Banned for watching/listening to The Three Stooges and really getting both the spoken and written word messed up with Curly's nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

The thing about language is that it is ever evolving, often changing the rules to make a new word fit.

banned for trying to stage a change in subjects

Banned for being tardy without an excusory note from your mother.

banned because my mother was late again

Banned for setting your watch 2 hours forward to make it appear your mother was late.

banned for taking the cake out to eat in the first place

Banned for feeling you missed out on all that cake and cream.... the $500 bills hidden inside the sponge

banned for sponge bathing all that money to hid it from the cops

Banned for handing off counterfeit cash to little old ladies as well as putting some in the collection box at the local place of prayer.