Banned for bouncing around like a rubber ball while I mock you and cause within you self-doubt about your place in the wider universe and beyond.

banned for thinking that i even have a place in this universe

Banned for underestimating the power of the universe on your place within it.

banned for trying to make me more powerful than i already am

Banned for claiming to be omnipotent when yer missus can beat you in an arm wrestle.

banned for not understanding that that is why i married her

Banned for yer missus having to do all the heavy lifting while you sit watching sport on TV and guzzling copious amounts of beer.

banned for being jealous of my domestic situation 

Banned for a wild and woolly assumption regarding a situation I have absolutely no interest in.... but if you have any disclosures about guzzling beer I'm all ears.

banned for wanting to guzzle instead of enjoy slowly over time

Banned for not contributing to my Xmas beer supplies.

banned for not demanding that your government care for your beer supply

Banned for turning up late for Xmas eve [time-wise you're behind us here in Oz].

banned for not realizing that i work for a small package delivery company and so i end up putting the needs and wants of others in front of my own

Banned for having a 'small' package.

banned for not knowing that those that deal with small packages have large genitalia 

Banned for Merry Xmas and delivering a small package on Christmas Eve.

banned for carrying on about a pagan christianized event that demands that we teach our children to demand cheap plastic toys

Banned for over-simplifying a holiday with gifts and copious amounts of fattening food and drink.

banned for needing an excuse to give gifts and enjoy good food and drink

Banned for chucking shade at my holiday proclivities.

banned for trying to run under the shades to hide

Banned for peeping through the shades to observe others proclivities.

banned for attempting to close it all out 

Banned because your nickname here should be 'peeping tom' for trying to look into others goings on through the shades.