Having an affair?

Does your brain work when you're horny?

from JoeUser Forums

Are you having an affair or are you thinking about having one? I'm aiming this short blog at men but  some of the rules apply to women too. It takes two to have an affair remember!

Recently a close member of my family had an affair and the result has proved to be heart-breaking, soul-searching and resulted in fragile attempts to keep the marriage together. Some marriages survive affairs-others don't. Some loving partners get over it and get on with their lives. Some don't. It takes a brave lady or man to forgive but they'll never forget. Trust may be fragile for years. Survival depends on that trust and that's been dealt a shattered blow. Survival depends on children too as they are the little victims. Many a marriage has been saved because of the children. And some not.

I digress. Unless you are are completely stupid, dick-headed and prepared to risk EVERYTHING, you should avoid the colleague who has better boobs than Dolly Parton, wears skirts up to her navel , has legs like Elle McPherson and pants in short breaths when you approach her at the coffee machine. Switch off buddy. Join the Gentleman's club.

The Gentleman's club rules are strictly for those men (and they apply to women too), who find the need to follow their hormones rather than their brains; those who are bored, have pregnant wives or get a hard on seeing Megan Fox or David Beckham  naked. I'm trying humour but the rules are pretty serious:

1. Don't crap on your own doorstep---the smell will haunt you forever (id. colleagues are out of bounds.)

2. Follow the 100 mile rule. Don't sleep with anyone inside that boundary. Pay the lady.

3. Don't sleep with anyone more than once. Pay the lady.

4. Never, ever tell. You will be expelled from the club.

5. Taking all the above into account, always pay for your lover. This is the most important rule.

6. Go home, smirk in the mirror and be a good husband.

I've never joined the club so who told me these things? A guy with a permanent smile on his face and a happy wife.

 

 

 

 

5,827 views 12 replies
Reply #1 from Stardock Forums Top

No, but my husband (for how long, I'm not sure) is, has and I don't think there are words for how much agony this has caused me.   It is a horrible thing to do to the person who you committed to love and cherish, forsaking all others, until death do us part.  I just can't find the humor in any of it anymore. 

Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
No, I have never. I would be lying if I said the thought had not crossed my mind, but as you correctly point out - there are not that many women (and none that I have met) that are worth giving up what you got.
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Reply #3 from Stardock Forums Top

Yeah.  The smile continues until the day the guy finds out that what he paid for is an STD because  his wife went to the doctor and got test result (assuming of course that she wasn't fooling around on the side... and I know the reverse situation can happen).

Was this supposed to be funny? I think it misses the mark.  Then again, I don't find that kind of stuff humorous at all.  It just reminds me that some people are shitty people. 

Reply #4 from Stardock Forums Top

Momjiki,

This wasn't meant to be funny at all. I think some men think no further than their hormones. On a personal note, my daughter has caused us great anguish due to her husband's affair. The Gentleman's rules hurt no-one if used correctly and they are a guideline for men who follow their fantasies but do not cause hurt. Of course, many men don't follow these fantasies at all.

Reply #5 from Stardock Forums Top

I really have to disagree with your idea that these rules don't hurt anyone if followed correctly.

Sorry to hear about your daughter's situation.  Still, if my husband were following these rules and using boundaries and hooker (as I assume meant from pay the lady) I'd still be hurt when if I found out.  And people always find out.  It's only a matter of time and the method of finding out.  It would be worse if it were in my face, sure.  But deceit hidden is still deceit and it infects a relationship.

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

Ugh. That's just what I need. TWO women...  :p 
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I read a statistic one time that 80% of men have an affair at some point or another. I don't know when I read it or how accurate it is, but I don't rule it out. A man wants to have as much sex as possible with as many women as possible, from a biological perspective. And humans are just really smart animals. For the same reason that people sometimes have a hard time getting over obesity or feeling jealous in a needless way, men will often cheat.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
About 17 years ago I had an affair with a co-worker, the wife and I were seperate for a few months and after much gnashing of teeth we have managed to stay together and put the pieces back together. Haven't fooled around since but I'll tell you what, had I followed the rules I would have been much better off and saved us both some grief.

There are a large percentage of married folks that fool around, both women and men and it's just one of those things that happen. I like the rules for the gentleman's club. Would that more people followed them.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yes, these are definitely great rules for a quality man to abide by.

It might suck sometimes, and not be what you want to do, but it won't kill you to keep your dick in your pants.

Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top

A man wants to have as much sex as possible with as many women as possible, from a biological perspective
End of quote
If a man can't control his "wants" he should consider not being in a monogomous relationship.  Here are some true "Gentleman's Rules":

1) Don't commit yourself to one woman if you feel the strong desire to "roam free"

2) If you feel you have sexual desires that aren't being met, tell your partner

3) If you feel your partner won't meet your needs, give her a choice to either meet them or allow you to go fulfill them

I think men would be surprised how women will react when they are up front with them.  Going behind someone's back without ever communicating with them will never end well.  People find out no matter how well you follow your so-called rules and things can never be the same.

Men just always assume that women just don't understand or, maybe more often, they are afraid to talk about their "needs" because the woman might burden him with some of her unfulfilled needs.  If you really value your relationship, you'll do everything you can to keep everyone involved satisfied and yeah, that includes yourself.

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

I don't usually chime in on this sort of subject but this is one I feel strongly about because I have seen too many families torn apart by lack of communication.  I have a husband who is a normal man who has normal urges but is able to communicate about them.  I feel satisfied that nothing will ever happen behind my back because I'm certain I would have fair warning and a chance to do something about it.

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top

I feel satisfied that nothing will ever happen behind my back
End of quote

 

How about up front?  Can he say "hey, this chick wants to.....can I?"

 

Would you say yes?  Who here would say "Of course, dude.  Have fun!"  *crickets*

 

I bring this up because there are two parts (at the least) to having an affair.  One is the fact that you're having a pretty intimate act with someone other than your spouse, and the other is the dishonesty involved.  The hiding.  The lying.  Or is it "lieing?"  Oh well, in this case it's both, eh?

 

Ladies, if your man was totally honest with you, would you mind?  If so, have you asked yourself why?  And have you considered why he'd even consider the idea?  If your man wanted to explore varying sexual experiences, would you be supportive or POSSESSIVE?  Men, same question.  Gee, I can't wait to see how these answers differ.  It's so unpredictable...haha...not.

 

In addition, ladies that are the ones having the affairs, have you told your man the truth?  Have you been up front and candid?

 

See, this issue has way less to do with loyalty, and way MORE to do with people's fragile egos.  Those egos need a boost, on both sides of the gender fence.  I mean really...it isn't that your man/woman boinked some other chick/dude, it's that you now take a major blow to your self-esteem, right?  It has nothing to do with commitment except for the dishonesty part.  It has to do with the partner who got cheated on's ego.