Do you lie to your SO?

Does your SO know everything about you?

My husband knows everything. No skeletons or dust bunnies in my closet. For me it's an indicator of the health of our relationship. Something's going wrong if I lie. It puts a wedge between us.

I'm using a broad definition of lies. To me withholding information is just a form of lying.

Still, I'm tempted to lie in really stupid ways. When I go shopping and I perceive that I have bought more than he would approve of I want to hide it from him. When I was a kid my mom hid things like this from my dad. She used to have me get the mail and hide the bills - I even did this after I had moved out of their house. Even though I know this is the source of my needing to hide things from my husband I still struggle with it.

How about you? Does your SO know everything about you? Do you purposely withold info?
10,865 views 23 replies
Reply #1 Top

Everything I say is a lie.

Except that.

And that.

And that.

..

 

Reply #2 Top

My husband doesn't want to know everything.  So I don't load him down with a bunch of unnecessary information.

He knows the milestones of my life, but frankly, JU knows more of the details.  Heh.

So as far as the "past" goes, nope, he doesn't really care.

For the present, yeah I tell him pretty much everything.  He's not interested in hearing about JU or any internet interaction.  His interests are all about the real world. hah.

Does he tell me everything?  I guess so.  He doesn't talk business too much at home because he likes his family time to be about family.

I don't really want to know every single detail of his day.  If he NEEDS to tell me, then that's fine.

After 19 years I know what he wants to hear about, what he considers important, and the rest is my business (unless of course he takes an interest.)

Reply #3 Top
Only if she asks me which shoes I like better. Cause I never give a shit, so I just pick one.
Reply #4 Top
I think Tova hit the nail on the head with her response.

Keeping things from your spouse because it's just more crap for them to worry about and/or something that doesn't really affect them is a courtesy.

Who wants to be bombarded with insignificant details all the time?

I have lied to my spouse in the past, and I'm sure I will again, LOL, and I know my spouse lies to me from time to time. Such is life. We're truthful about the important stuff. Sometimes it's best not to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth when it's a petty detail that's just going to rub you the wrong way.
Reply #5 Top
There are parts of my long ago past that colleen need not know, she is a gentle soul and would run screaming into the night if I revealed some of my more darker past.
Reply #6 Top
No. Not ever, for any reason. He gets it all. If i cannot open myself entirely to my spouse, who's left?


Hehe. Well, I don't get my ass beat for failing to tell my husband something. If I were you I'd be on my toes about honesty, too. Hahahaha.
Reply #7 Top
There are parts of my long ago past that colleen need not know, she is a gentle soul and would run screaming into the night if I revealed some of my more darker past.


I agree. There are things of my past that will only damage the relationship if I share. It IS best she doesn't know. Protecting her is more important than her knowing. I don't lie but I am deceptful at times. Not sure if that counts as lying?
Reply #8 Top
Just to clarify, she's referring to a mutually consensual BDSM relationship here, folks, not 'getting my ass beat' as in 'being abused.'


Oops. I just assumed everyone knew. Sorry about that. (They need a blushing smiley.)
Reply #9 Top
Reply By: little-whipPosted: Friday, August 11, 2006No. Not ever, for any reason. He gets it all. If i cannot open myself entirely to my spouse, who's left?He doesn't always like what He hears, but He'd rather hear it than not.


Well said LW. Exactly what I meant. He many not always care but I tell him anyway. And I mostly don't get po'd when he doesn't care.

Reply #11 Top

QOD, delete that spam!

As for me, I would if I could, but I cant so I wont.

N'est pas?

Reply #13 Top

Done!

Bless you!

Reply #14 Top
It truly depends. I'm an open and honest man most all of the time, with anyone.. even those I meet on the street. I never put on a fake personality just to impress anyone or such.

I tell my girlfriend everything about me though... because really if she wants to be the one that loves me, she has to accept my past because that past is a part of me, and admitedly I've had some really bad parts to my past like most everyone has.

I place no blame on those who don't open up fully though, because every situation is different, and admitedly sometimes it's better to not say all than it is to say all....
Reply #15 Top
I am a spammer located at 207.210.234.135 which is in Atlanta Georgia. North East side.
Reply #16 Top
I tell the truth. Period. That's just me. Anything less than honesty is not acceptable.
Reply #17 Top
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This is the shit I get for a featured article???? Spammed? Do I get points for these?
Reply #18 Top
And one more idea:

Remote \"Control\"
Truth, lies and \"Control Room\"
May 27, 2004

Last weekend, when it opened at New York\'s Film Forum, Jehane Noujaim\'s documentary \"Control Room\" sold out every seat at every screening, breaking the legendary Manhattan cinema venue\'s single-screen box-office record. This might not directly reflect the film\'s merits, although \"Control Room\" is a surprising, puzzling and in many ways brilliant work. Rather, these packed houses for a documentary about an Arab TV channel speak to the intense public hunger (at least in some quarters of our society) for alternate sources of information about what the hell happened in Iraq over the last year and a half, and for ways of thinking about it that don\'t spring from prejudice or pure propaganda. (Cough-cough- New York Times -cough-cough-cough.)

Improbable as it seems, \"Control Room\" looks like the season\'s smash documentary, at least until Michael Eisner and Harvey Weinstein get their act together and figure out who\'s going to distribute Michael Moore\'s \"Fahrenheit 9/11.\" Noujaim, an Arab-American woman who grew up shuttling between Egypt and the United States, spent the months surrounding the \"major combat operations\" in Doha, Qatar, traveling the 20 miles back and forth from the studios of Al-Jazeera, the semi-notorious Arabic-language news channel, to CentCom, the complex where the U.S. military dispensed approved information to the world press. What makes the movie so good is the fact that what she sees is never precisely what you expect. Sure, Noujaim is clearly more sympathetic to Al-Jazeera than, say, Donald Rumsfeld is (the defense secretary\'s live-from-Mars press conferences serve here as a kind of dark comic relief), but you never get the feeling she\'s pursuing some simplistic Arabs-good, Americans-bad story line.

In fact, if anything characterizes the protagonists who gradually emerge from the stew of names and faces in \"Control Room,\" it\'s how complicated and conflicted they all are. Hassan Ibrahim, the cuddly-bear ex-BBC reporter who is Al-Jazeera\'s main man at CentCom, speaks contemptuously of the cowardice and conspiratorial thinking of the Arab world, and says he believes the U.S. Constitution and the American people will ultimately restrain the Bush administration\'s imperialist urges. Senior producer Samir Khader, a sad-sack middle-aged chain smoker with a bad Rudy Giuliani combover, seems like more of a pro-Arab ideologue -- until he announces that if Fox News were to offer him a job, he\'d take it. (Anything to get his kids into American universities and trade \"the Arab nightmare for the American dream.\")

In Noujaim\'s portrait, Al-Jazeera\'s correspondents seem genuinely divided between their commitment to Arab nationalism (albeit an idealistic, democratically minded version of it) and the so-called objectivity demanded by news reporting. One young female Al-Jazeera producer finds herself close to tears at seeing American tanks in the streets of Baghdad. \"Where is the Republican Guard? Where is the Iraqi army?\" she exclaims in disbelief. \"They must be somewhere.\" Yet the CentCom correspondents from CNN, MSNBC and Fox are not much closer to the journalistic ideal of impartiality, Noujaim suggests. We watch as they stand around and cheer the semi-staged toppling of the Saddam statue, or obsequiously thank a military spokesman for providing details (subsequently discredited, of course) of the Jessica Lynch rescue.

If Noujaim does have an agenda, it may have to do with debunking the conventions of objectivity and absolute truth to which mainstream journalism still pays lip service. She comes from the cinéma-vérité tradition of D.A. Pennebaker and Chris Hegedus (she co-directed \"Startup.com\" with Hegedus). Although that documentary style is obsessively interested in depicting reality with as little directorial interference as possible, that\'s quite different from offering some unitary version of the truth. The more you watch \"Control Room\" the less certain you feel that you know what really happened during the invasion of Iraq; the one thing you do feel sure of is that television viewers on different sides of the conflict saw different wars. When one Al-Jazeera producer -- a woman who wears Western-style clothing and speaks English with a distinctly North American accent -- tries to explain to an airhead U.S. TV reporter that journalistic objectivity is a kind of \"mirage,\" it\'s a thoroughly confusing moment: Someone from the Arab world, so notorious for its despotism and intolerance, is lecturing an emissary of Thomas Jefferson\'s homeland on the value of unfettered freedom of expression. (And is right to do so.)

Amid the chaos of \"Control Room,\" a story emerges that is at once tragic and hopeful. When an Al-Jazeera reporter is killed by U.S. forces in Baghdad, in an incident that has never been adequately explained, CentCom journalists from all parts of the world come together for a heartrending memorial service that makes you feel the profession may still have a mission. Unlikelier still is the friendship that gradually develops between the wisecracking, cynical Ibrahim and Lt. Josh Rushing, the boyish U.S. Army officer who ladles out official spin to the press corps. Gradually, the inherent mutual mistrust of their official capacities gives way to an unmistakable warmth, and the avuncular Arab begins to see the young lieutenant as a sweet, curious and gentle young man (who experiences a remarkable epiphany I won\'t give away). By the end of the film, Ibrahim has invited Rushing to join him and his wife for dinner -- in Jerusalem. Now that sounds like a movie.


Reply #19 Top

This is the shit I get for a featured article???? Spammed? Do I get points for these?

only 1 per anon user. 

Reply #20 Top
But I can't delete these last two. What's with that?
Reply #21 Top
My husband and I are best friends so we tell each other everything. At this point, most of our life is shared anyway, so there isn't much opportunity to lie.
Reply #22 Top
staniera: You *never* lie to your husband? Never?!?
Reply #23 Top

staniera: You *never* lie to your husband? Never?!?


Honestly I don't remember a time when I did. Also, I'm a terrible lier and he would know if I was doing it.