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I am (blank) of Borg.....

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Reply #1526 March 16, 2011 10:12:37 PM
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I am The Grim Reaper of Borg.... with that rug, Queen Rayeth of Borg, shall I remove the bones for your added comfort.

I am Queen Rayeth of Borg.... yes, that is an excellent idea, Grim Reaper of Borg, but I suffer foot cramps and I'd like you to leave his implant so I have something firm to rub my poor aching tootsies on.

I am Bree Olsen, porn star of Borg.... oh believe me, Queen Rayeth of Borg, Charlie's implant is anything but firm these days, and because of the bad reaction Viagra has with all the crack cocaine he smokes, he usually spends his days just dribbling sh*t.

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Reply #1527 March 19, 2011 11:31:35 PM
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I am Colonel Gadaffi of Borg... people comparing me to Charlie Sheen on crack will lose.  I am winning... I am.

I am World Poker Champion of Borg.... the only thing you're winning, Colonel Gadaffi of Borg, is 'bluff poker', and only then because you cheat at cards.

I am Charlie Sheen of Borg... anyone comparing Colonel Gadaffi of Borg to me has rocks in their head.  He's losing his grip on Libya, but I still have a firm grip on me and, even if the producers don't agree,  I'm still the 'half man' I used to be.

I am Entertainment Tonight of Borg.... a firm grip, eh?  Well we think you must have two implants... because you couldn't be that silly just 'gripping' one.

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Reply #1528 March 20, 2011 5:52:30 AM
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I am Poindexter of Borg ... I'm baaaaack. Lets see now ... where shall I begin. Oh ... I know. Charlie Sheen of Borg ... your implant sub has expired. You must return it forthwith and soonest. If not Bubba of Borg will pay you a visit.

I am Bubba of Borg ... the hell I will. Last time I paid that herkle jerk a visit he slobbered all over my brand new used implant and still to this day its sticky.

I am Poppa Doc Duvalier of Borg ... send the herkle jerk to me and Idi Amin of Borg. We'll take very 'good' care of him. Yum.

I am Poindexter's Mother of Borg ... please disregard everything my idiot son says. He's spends way too much time playing with Bubba.

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Reply #1529 March 20, 2011 1:38:02 PM
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I am Charlie Sheen of Borg.... well Mrs. Poindexter of Borg, I'm glad that you didn't say to disregard your son because he hangs out to much with me  and now spends waaaay to much time playing with himself because I'm a bad role model.

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Reply #1530 March 21, 2011 6:57:58 AM
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I am Tiger Woods of Borg... I may have myself a 22 y/o piece of fluff who looks remarkably like my ex-wife, Elin, but that's not going to stop me playing a round of... er, with 18 holes whenever I feel like it.

I am the former Mrs Woods of Borg.... and they say a leopard never changes its spots.

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Reply #1531 March 21, 2011 7:27:13 AM
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Iam ZipZeroZilchNadaNuthin of Borg ... never mind.

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Reply #1532 March 21, 2011 7:56:25 AM
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I am Colonel Gaddafi... hehe, they won't find me hiding down a hole like Saddam Hussein,  I'm going to go out into the desert, cover myself with a roll of sandpaper and disguise myself as a dune.

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Reply #1533 March 21, 2011 4:54:13 PM
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Until some Camel comes along and decides to shove his nose there and wonders why it smells like shit. Or ... better yet wait until Poindexter gets there. He says he has come up with a new way to hide. It involves ingesting a fair amount of nitro, munching on two sticks of C4, very carefully mind you, three liters of high octane jet fuel and a book of matches with but one match left. Why only one you ask ... well after striking it you won't need any more. Best part is no one will ever find you.

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Reply #1534 March 21, 2011 9:51:52 PM
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I am David Attenborough of Borg....  I am here in the Libyan desert observing a pack of wild dog pissing on this weird looking sand dune and wondering why it is speaking in Arabic for them to go to hell or their mothers and children will be shot.   Oh look, now a North African Vulture has landed on top of the sand dune and is pulling at something it believes is food.  Now I am hearing, in Arabic again: "Oh shit, now the ghost of one of my mother-in-laws has come to pick my bones." 

I am Camera Operator of Borg.... hey David Attenborough of Borg.... do you want me to capture that brownish looking sludge that's leaking from the bottom of the sand dune, or get the wet patch that's appearing at the front?

I am BBC Producer of Borg... get them both you idiot, get them both!!!!!!!!!

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Reply #1535 March 21, 2011 10:02:11 PM
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Reply #1536 March 22, 2011 12:01:43 PM
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I am Shane Warne of Borg.... looks like Liz Hurley and I are back on again cos she can't get enough of me.

I am ex-Mrs Warne of Borg.... the only reason Liz can't get enough of you is because your implant's so damned small.

I am Ricky Ponting of Borg.... never mind, Shane Warne of Borg, my missus reckons I haven't got any balls because I won't do the right thing by the Australian cricket team and stand down to allow in some real talent.  Admittedly they're quite small, but I do have some

 

 

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Reply #1537 March 22, 2011 9:09:09 PM
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     You only think you do Ricky Ponting of Borg ... I have it on the best of authorities that you got those 'balls' from the 5 & dime surplus lower level flea market two years ago because they were on sale for a pittance that you said you'd owe the proprietor and he says you still haven't paid him for them which is why he tacked on a years worth of interest at 999.999 percent compounded daily by the hour with intrinsic fortitude no less. Pay up forthwith or have your 'balls ' twisted by a first class second rate brand new used Ballsy Twister whose expiration date was scraped off by you the other day 'cause you didn't want anyone to know it was you that did it three times out behind the out house in house because the in house out house was out of order for a whole month and only recently was it delivered but you sent it back with a note saying it was undersized the wrong way and you specifically requested that it be over-sized the right way as opposed to the left because you used to be a lefty before your implant was recalled due to lack of use or so says your then spouse who promptly ran away with Bubba of Borg because he at least knows his way around things.

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Reply #1538 March 22, 2011 9:57:10 PM
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I am Dr Gonads of Borg... actually, Ricky Ponting of Borg, you don't have any balls.  You were born without them and I implanted a couple of dried peas to help balance things out a little.

I am Shane Warne of Borg... hey Dr Gonads, is there any way you can enlarge my implant?  And it's not just for the ladies, either.  It's like this, you see, when I have to go for a pee I have to throw pepper on it because I can't find it, and when it sneezes I have to grab it quick before it disappears again.

I am Dr Gonads of Borg.... there is no way of enlarging implants other than surgery.  Now here's how it goes!  We take some brain tissue because it most resembles implant tissue and we graft it to the implant... but in your case, I'm afraid to say, you don't have enough brain tissue to harvest, not even for the smallest of procedures.

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Reply #1539 March 25, 2011 12:54:55 AM
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I am Uvah of Borg.... I haven't been in this thread of late because I got my implant stuck in a portal downtown.  Let's just say that I'll never trust a sign in a public bathroom that says "Implant Washes - Only 5c" ever again.

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Reply #1540 March 25, 2011 10:40:42 PM
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I are starkers of Borg ...... I gots mine Curried Cabbage. Fresh from under mine porch. Only two day old. Nice and brown and squishy too. I gonna eat it all up and wait for the rumbles to kick in. Then I are gonna turn and face northwest and cut one loose that will make the tsunami that hit Japan look like a ripple in mine bathtub. Then I gonna run like hell for cover cause the evil googleheads will want to use me for nefarious ends.

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Reply #1541 March 26, 2011 9:07:19 AM
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I am Uvah of Borg... has anybody got one of those electric bandaids to promote speedier healing?  I seem to have grazed my poor implant while trying to extricate it from that damned 5c wash thingy.

I am DrJBHL of Borg.... sorry, Uvah of Borg, but I'm all out of electric bandaids right now.  However, while you're here I'll give you a tetanus shot and get Nurse Roughly of Borg to scrub that wound for you.

I am Nurse Roughly of Borg.... would you pass me the steel wool, assistant nurse of Borg... oh and the bottle of teatree oil.  It might make his eyes water but it's the best antiseptic around.

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Reply #1542 March 26, 2011 2:30:04 PM
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Do you not ... OUCH! ... know who I am .... OUCH! Damn that stings. I am ...... OWWWWWWWW!!!! Take it easy why dontcha! I'm ... OUCH! OUCH! OWWWW!! STOP! NO! DON"T! OWWWWW ... OUCH ... you ... you .........

Oh will you shut up! Next time pay attention when you pull up your zipper starkers instead of trying to view what's going on in the stall behind you. Now hold still while I apply this new electric bandaid to your implant. There ... all better. Now go play nice and stay out of the .....

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!

Too late.

*help*

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Reply #1543 March 27, 2011 2:16:15 AM
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I am Trainee Nurse of Borg... it is part of my training to take photos of various procedures for further study.... so, what I want to know, is does anybody want to buy pics of Uvah screaming blue murder while getting his implant wound cleane... er, I mean scrubbed?

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Reply #1544 March 27, 2011 3:24:26 PM
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I know where there is a pic of starkers of Borg getting his implant adjusted by the prettiest drone this side of the Coalsack. Too bad she admiited to being a trans-Borgal.

I am Prettiest Drone this side of the Coal Sack. (in deep baritone voice) Hiya honey. Hows the implant. Need another rub ... down?

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Reply #1545 March 27, 2011 6:46:54 PM
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I am Prettiest Drone this side of the coalsack of Borg.... hey Uvah, I remember you, we met in that gay bar and you performed a pole dance.  I still don't understand how you balanced on your implant on the table like that and spun around like a whirlygig?

I am Gay Bar Owner of Borg.... and he still hasn't paid me for the hole he left in the middle of the table.  In fact, I gave up on that so now I use it out in the beer garden with an umbrella sticking out of it for shade..

I am Trainee Nurse of Borg... hey Gay Bar Owner of Borg, do you think any of your customers would be interested in piccys of Uvah of Borgs implant scrub?  He says he caught it in one of those 5c implant washers, but I'll swear those look like teeth marks.

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Reply #1546 March 27, 2011 8:40:43 PM
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I am Infiltrator of Borg ...... This has gone on far enough. Commander Tiddlewink of Borg ... arrest those starkers and uvah imposters forthwith. We'll have none of their shenanigans whilst I, Infiltrator of Borg, am on the beat.

I am the real uvah of Borg Infiltrator of Borg and I say .......

Hold on thar uvah of Borg. I am starkers of Borg and I say .......

No no no ... I am uvah of Borg and i wuz here first .....

OH quit your whinin' uvah of Borg lest I show ye the back hand of me implant.

Yeah well starkers of Borg ... bite me!

Why you lil skalliwag ... I oughta ....

Helllllllllp! starkers of Borg gonna git me ... hellllllllllllllllllllllp!

And so ends another chapter in the annals of starkers and uvah of Borg. Stay tuned for our next installment entitled ....... Hellllllllllllp Shaunna of Borgs gonna git me ... helllllllllllllllllllllllp.

Which way did that flabbergaster of mine go this time uvah of Borg?

I cannot tell a lie. syarkers is under the porch with the curried cabbage. He says he's gonna eat all of them and make ............

KAAABOOOOOM!!!!!

And so ends yet another world due to CC pollution. Stay tuned for further ...... OWWWWW! Not so hard.

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Reply #1547 March 29, 2011 9:38:47 AM
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I am Illegal Substance Inspector of Borg.... oi, Uvah of Borg, have you been smoking that waccy tobaccy again?

I am Uvah of Borg... who, me?  No sir, Illegal Substance Inspector of Borg, not me of Borg.  I did bumps my head a little, maybe that explains why you thinks I smoked waccy tobbacy of Borg.  No sir, not me of Borg..... weeeeeee..............weeeeeeeeeeeeee.........whoooooopeeeeee....

I am starkers of Borg... excuse me, Illegal Substance Inspector of Borg, but you gotta excuse my friend Uvah of Borg.... it's his age, you see.  Look, come closer, So I can whisper and not embarrass the poor bloke.... yes, that's better.  It's like this you see, he's not getting any younger, and he can't afford Viagra, so he gets all excited when his implant get a mind of its own shows any sign of life other than "take me for a pee-pee"

I am Poindexter's Mum of Borg.... well if Uvah of Borg don't mind coming over to my place while Poindexter is at school and hubby is running an errand, I can help him with getting some life back into his implant.  If I can retrain my lazy fat slob of a husband of mine to take out the garbage, mow lawns and do dishes and vacuum the carpets, I can get an implant working as well.

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Reply #1548 April 2, 2011 8:01:52 AM
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You're a riot dude. Made my day.

Hi.....I Seely of Borg. I do stuff. I not do implants though. Them too icky poo. Bye.

I am Macadamia of Borg... Nuts, nuts who wants the nuts. I know...starkers do. He has a thing for nuts or so I'm told. First shipment free of charge for a small fee of AU$1,000,000.00 to be paid in full upon receipt of first free shipment. Have a nice day and nice doin' business with ya.

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Reply #1549 April 2, 2011 2:07:25 PM
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I is Public Lavatory Hygiene Provider of Borg.... hey, Seely of Borg, them implants ain't too icky poo if'n them is put in my 5c implant washer.

I are Brazil of Borg... too late with your shipment, Macadamia of Borg.... starkers of Borg has all the nuts he needs courtesy of moi... Hazel's nuts too.

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Reply #1550 April 5, 2011 2:31:44 PM
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I am Uvah of Borg... well I got my own back on that 5c implant washer.  I went back in there and stuck in a rotten cucumber as payback, and the bloke on the other side spat it out and said it tasted bloody awful.

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