I'm going to be laughing all day! NT, this is really funny!  
[I usually answer the phone in a very old man's voice, like Jim Ignakowski from Taxi]  

Thanks - I'll remember to use this method.

Quite funny, and not unlike things I"ve done when answering the phone....an old ladie's voice, a man's voice, a coughing continually, all kinds of goodies. Thanks for sharing with us

I usually answer the phone in a very old man's voice, like Jim Ignakowski from Taxi

I simply ask them... "What are you wearing?" They hang up instantly.   

I always ask, "are you reading this from a script?"

They always reply, "Yes."

So I put them on the spot and say to them, "If you can put it", (the script they're reading from), "into your own words, I'll listen to what you have to say."

They always stumble a bit then hang up.  

I get calls where they ask for my mother or my father.  "sorry, they're not home now".  "can we leave a  message".  "No, I don't do messages for them".  Click   

Or my favorite "may we speak with Mr or Mrs So and So".  "Sorry... they're not available".  Click. 

My theory is if you don't know my name, I don't wanna speak to ya.

I also opt out on telemarketing calls... but still get an occasional few.   

I just ask them for their phone number and tell them I'll get back to them. When they say they won't or can't give it out I say...So....you don't like people bugging you at home either...neither do I and hang up.   But I get very few calls from them.

That went into effect here in the US awhile ago and has worked pretty well but the faxes just keep pouring in. I really appreciate the spam faxes selling copier ink. The faxes are super duper large font and even superer duperer boldness to drain the ink

Yes, I get those....and am planning to send an invoice to them for consumed 'consumables'....then, on non-payment thereof have their credit rating compromised.  [My uncle [deceased] pioneered a credit reference company here in Oz [and overseas] about 40 or 50 years ago].

I once had my fax no. confused with the order dept of a Nature-medics company....was quite handy being woken at 3 in the morning by phonecalls...it took a lot of chasing to resolve...until I suggested that I simply could 'alter' the details before sending the faxes on to them...change delivery adresses...and skim a bit of cash out of various credit card details....more effing idiots....

Best way...trace the call...transport to location....cut their effin' throats.

Best way...trace the call...transport to location....cut their effin' throats

remember: Conan Doyle, "The perfect crime, by definition, is that no-one knows it was committed."

Got another persitent telemarketer earlier....and I got creative.

Me: "Look, you've caught me on my night off, but while I have you on the phone, I'm also in telemarketing selling share accomodaton holiday package deals, and I'm wondering if I could interest....."

The guy interrupted me there and set forth to sell me an unbeatable mobile phone package that came with $50.00 free credit and totally free calls from 7.00pm to 6.00am to any mobile phone on any network.

Me: "Do you have an annual income of $55.000 plus, and if so, do you have an A1 credit rating, because if so, I can offer you a Bali package that....."

Again the guy interrupted me, firstly with the fact that Bali could not possibly be a destination of choice since the bombings: and secondly; with questions regarding my current mobile phone deal.....I again interrupt him.

Me: "Okay then, if Bali isn't to your liking, I can offer you two weeks each year in Sri Lanka, and another two in either Saudi Arabia or Tibet. Or what about.....

Him: "But sir, I just want to tell you about this unbelievable mobile phone package, at a quarter of the cost our nearest competitor could offer....."

Me: Yes, yes, I understand that, and I will give you that opportunity if you'd just give me a few moments to explain our package deals and how you can holiday in 5 star luxurious accomodation for four weeks annually, at just one sixth of our nearest competitors prices......"


Click....beep, beep, beep, beep.

Guess he must've ended up going with Iconem's Bargain Vacations instead